When I first started coaching, I was too eager to help people reach their destination and I remember getting restless if I did not see people moving in what I thought was a useful direction.
If people started getting confused or seemed like they were resisting, my automatic response was to either stop the process or do something more and try harder.
I tried harder, but continued to struggle.
So, my cycle was,
Start Doing Process ->When they feel confused -> I try harder to get to result fast -> they get more confused -> then I get restless -> then I either give up or do a hotch potch job.
I struggled with it for quite sometime, till I began to understand that Confusion is actually a very important State.. it means that something is changing, that the process is working, new connections are being formed… and it is during this process that change happens.
I understood some important things about people and coaching.
1. Most people tend to work only at the conscious level and make changes at that level.
2. The deeper work happens when shifts start happening at the unconscious.
3. It is a good sign when people start getting confused… it means that something is shifting at a deeper level.
4. I just need to allow their unconscious to continue to do its work.
5. One the other side of confusion is clarity and a Breakthrough.
So, in my opinion, a very important skill for coaches is to work not just at the conscious level but also at the deeper unconscious level. Learn to Be Comfortable when client’s get confused
Happy Confusion 🙂